Our plans aren't always HIS

We were counting down the days until October. Now I wish we could take it all back.
October was suppose to be a big month for us. We were suppose to be approved for our adoption loan, sign our contract, and start our home study. We were suppose to be well on our way to bringing home our baby.

Unfortunately, our plans are not always Gods plans.

We were denied our adoption loan. This was and still is devastating news to me. Also, we have had some difficulties with the agency we chose. We have had to reconsider even using this agency. You see, I had this whole adoption thing planned out and now our my plans are going down the drain. We, mostly I, feel like we are at a loss. Months of research, planning, and saving feels like it was all pointless. I know it wasn't but I still feel hopeless.

Many people have said, "God is doing this for a reason." And I believe that but sometimes that is not what you want to hear. Sometimes what you want to hear is "you should be mad" "you deserve you emotional break downs" "your situation is crap!" (Maybe I'm a glass half empty kinda gal).

I do know there is a reason why this happened to us. I do know that we will eventually get our baby but it is hard all the same when things don't go as expected. I would like to know what Gods plan is. I would like to know the correct answers to all of the open ending questions we have. I would like to know exactly what God wants from us so we can do it right from the beginning. Since I won't be getting any of these answers from myself, I will continue to pray.

So we sit here... Back at step one.... Looking for an agency.